Tension

This is the fifth time starting a sentence. The difference between this one and the other four is that I am still writing.

The other sentences I erased. Then I started over with something new.

This is what indecision as a writer looks like, but it is also what determination to finish and post looks like.

I don’t know what to write about.

I thought about writing about the new Sopranos movie that my wife and I watched. It brought up memories. The Sopranos was a show my wife and I watched during its run on HBO.

We discovered it on Netflix. Old School Netflix. The Netflix where you order discs and dropped them back in the mail. The days of strategically placing orders in our queue to maximize the films or shows we watched.

Now we stream everything.

I didn’t even need to go to the movies to see The Many Saints of Newark. I could pull it up on HBO-Max.

In the weeks before the movie came out, I watched short clips from episodes on Youtube and a few episodes on HBO.

Now that we know how everything ends, the tension around viewing the show is gone, but the enjoyment of watching it remains.

It got me thinking about tension overall. A life without tension seems like it would be awesome. Everything would turn out well, you would get the outcomes you desire, and it would be comfortable.

At least, that is what I am telling myself at the present moment.

The truth is tension is everywhere. For example, there is tension around not doing what you set out to do and tension around doing what you set out to do.

Best way to ease the tension, to resolve the tension?

Keep going. Those first four starts and stops were needed to get me to number five.

Now I can say I am finished.